


Devastation

by CastheNerdfighter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x23 coda, Coda, Come Cry With Me, Dean Loves Cas, Depression warning, Gen, I believe he is alive, Unhappy Ending, but not in this fic he's not, trying to express my feelings about the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 16:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11294688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastheNerdfighter/pseuds/CastheNerdfighter
Summary: 12x23 coda. Unhappy ending, no happy fixes. Feel my pain.





	Devastation

**Author's Note:**

> Are you looking to cry about the finale? Look no further, and relive the devastation of losing Cas for the umpteenth time through Dean's eyes.

Night.  
  
A man on the beach, kneeling.  
  
Another, on the ground; he is still. Unnaturally still.  
  
Sam is gone. Where did he go?  
  
Mom is gone, Kelly is gone, _he_  is gone. Who is here? The baby? Sam?  
  
\--------  
  
Hours pass. Or maybe moments. Time is rendered inconsequential. He is gone. He is gone.  
  
_He is gone._  
  
Sam is back. He's yelling, the kneeling man does not answer. Another figure, small, curious, but shy.  
  
He does not approach the kneeling man.  
  
Sam takes the kneeling man inside. The still man remains. He does not move, no one moves him.  
  
The kneeling man does not know his own name. _They won_ , Sam says. But why does it feel like they lost?  
  
_Dean_ says Sam. No, asks. Its a question. Who is Dean? Is he Dean?  
  
\--------  
  
The shy boy is back.  
  
He was gone, when the flames licked the sky. He was gone and now he is back.  
  
Cas is gone, but he is not back.  
  
_Cas_ was his name, the still man. Not a man. He had wings, burned into the ground. The wings remain but the stillness is gone, chased away by the crackling, popping of fire.  
  
"Dean."  
  
A question, again.  
  
Where is he? Is he here? Where is here?  
  
"You're in shock. We're all in shock, Dean. But we have to go, we have to leave." Sam is packed up. The shy boy is in the car.  
  
Dean drives that car. His car, his baby.  
  
Cas is his baby.  
  
No, that's not right. Cas is... Cas was his friend. His best friend, nothing more. And now... now he is nothing.  
  
That was his father's car. His father is dead.  
  
His mother is gone. Lost.  
  
Kelly is dead, too, so many mothers lost.  
  
Why couldn't he save anyone? Wasn't that his job? Saving people? Hunting things? The family business?  
  
Lately it felt like he was hurting people, being hunted, losing family. He couldn't... he can't...  
  
\--------  
  
It's light out, day time.  
  
When did the sun rise?  
  
Why did the sun rise? When there was nothing left to shine down upon?  
  
The coffee shop is full of people. Why are they here?

Who is the shy boy? He likes pancakes. He asks for more. Sam chuckles.  
  
How can he laugh? They have lost everything, again. Again. They always lose everything.  
  
The world keeps spinning. The world always keeps spinning. But Dean's world has stopped. Why does his head feel like it's spinning, then?  
  
He makes it to the bathroom before he coughs up his breakfast. When did he eat?  
  
Sam finds him on the floor. Kneeling on the ground.  
  
Kneeling.  
  
\--------  
  
The bunker is empty. It is unlivable.  
  
They pack up some clothes, some books.  
  
Dean sits in a bedroom. The bed is made. There are no momentos. No indication of the inhabitant. The angel.  
  
He finds something under the bed, poking out from the dark depths. A single black feather.  
  
Dean picks it up. It falls apart in his hand. Disintegrates. Leaves black smudges on his hand, on the ground.  
  
Sam finds him on the bed, crying. Neither brother moves.  
  
Sam sits down, places a hand on Dean's back.  
  
"I loved him." He whispers. "I love him."  
  
The shy boy, Jack, is in the doorway. Time to go.  
  
Sam gets up, leaves Dean in the bedroom.  
  
Where will they go? They have no home but the open road.  
  
The end is not nigh, so what's the rush? What's the point? Why bother trying at all? He does not move.  
  
\--------  
  
Sam returns millennia later. Or more likely, mere minutes.  
  
_Which was worse, this or Hell?_  He asks himself.  
  
_This_.  
  
Sam moves him. They leave, casting a last glance at the place they had called home all these years.  
  
It is no longer home.  
  
\--------

They check into hotel after hotel. Sam teaches Jack all he wants to know. They settle in a house, have Jack go to public school. Sam gets a job as a substitute teacher at the school to keep an eye on him.  
  
Dean remains at the house.  
  
It is not home. It is four walls and a roof, but no love resides within. Dean has no more love left to give.  
  
His love died as he knelt on the ground, his love left burns in the ground. His love was extinguished.  
  
He has no where else to go, the kneeling man. The silence still echoes in his ears, the memories of the still man, the memories of a mother regained and then lost. What became of her? He can hardly bring himself to care.  
  
What will become of him? He can't bring himself to care.


End file.
